I am a master excuse maker, it’s not an accomplishment I am proud of. Excuse making is a habit I formed from a young age to avoid punishments and retribution and overly critical conversations. It is years of preprogrammed bad habits that have stolen my time, talent, energy and joy. It’s one of my biggest faults, one that I am in a constant battle with.
Excuses are easy to make, especially for myself, I use the excuse that I am mom, wife, woman, human, to avoid or try to lessen the consequences of my poor actions. Excuses hurt more than my abilities, they hurt my humanity and my family, they are the easy way out, the easy way to avoid having to think or try.
Excuses are the easy out in answer to my kids when they ask if I want to play, and I really don’t want to play “oh I have to clean or make dinner” the most common excuse. Used to avoid having to spend time with them, because I know that I will get frustrated and that I will argue with my older children. The truth is I have little patience to do something for someone else, unfortunately I can be very self-centered and myopic. It is one of those traits that tend to be elusive and difficult to squash sometimes.
The ones that get the brunt of that excuse-making fault, are the little ones that just want mommy to play with them. when I make an excuse now, I hear my parents every time, especially when I give my kids an excuse as to why I don’t want to play with them, this is why every time I say “I am too tired, you need to entertain yourself, I am busy, go use your imagination” I hear my own parents echoed in that…. But it doesn’t stop me for long. Fairly soon those little realizations fade back into the recess of my mind… and it is not like my parents are bad people, they just lived differently and raised me how they themselves were raised.
They grew up in a time and era when children were to be seen and not heard. Where people had big families to help out on the farm, because those little children were seen as helpers, or work hands. They grew up in a time that elders were looked at as someone you would never be equal too, in a time when little children were not looked at as equal in humanity. My parents did the best they could for me, but I do remember being sad when they wouldn’t take the time to play with me. That empathetic sympathy is often missing when my own children interrupt me in an attempt to get me to paly, and instead, it is replaced with frustration and ire.
There is something to be said about the parents who make the time to be with their kiddos, the ones that will dress up with their little ones, who will chase them around and play make-believe with them. The fort builders and tag players. The parents that want to make those little precious fleeting moments of pure joy last as long as possible, the parents that want their little kids to have fond memories. The parents that put others first and do not let their excuses steal beauty and joy and life from them. The people that refuse to let excuses run their lives are my heroes, and I realize strongly, I am a long way away from being my own hero. But, today I am one step closer to making it happen. I am making one less excuse why I can’t and taking one step closer to building the life of my dreams. Today, in this now, this moment, I decided to take my reality into my own hands, to rip the excuses from my lips and to make the choices that make will make my life magical.
If I let myself keep making excuses, it will be another three months before I write another post. It will be one more great idea capitalized by someone else, it will be another piece of art never made, simply because I chose to make an excuse as to why I couldn’t make the time. And I realize how often, instead of finding a way to make it happen and risk failing, I make the excuse of I didn’t have the time. No, I didn’t make the time. I had all the time in world I just refused to make it what I wanted.
I am tired of running from success, using fear of failure as my excuse. I am tired of allowing chaos to rule my life because I make excuses for my own inability to be better, I make excuses for my own poor behaviors. I enable myself to be less than my best and greatest potential. It is not the world or age or outside circumstances that are preventing me from being a success; but, the excuses I allow myself to make on the moment to moment bases that steal my dreams. It’s the ones i make to avoid the needed changes to grow, the growth I want in order to become the version of me that is magical.
The person I want to really be, the woman who takes life by the horns and refuses to make excuses for her shortcomings. That woman is who i am to become. the mom who will not only take the time to play with her daughters but will willingly and actively make the time for her kids. The woman who will make the time to help that friend, or make that art or write that post. The woman who so desperately wants to make the world a better and brighter place, the one who refuses to let excuses prevent her from making it happen.
She is in me, somewhere clawing her way to the top, fighting her way through the mountain of excuses and bad habits. She is winning moment by moment, and the old me, well she is still trying to make excuses for why she keeps pushing the new girl down. But she is old and tired and laying on her death bed, and she knows it, and like all things that are dying, the death throws are usually the strongest right before the end. So take some advice from someone who is going through this life haphazardly, realizing the damage that excuses cause, and stop making excuses for yourself. Start holding yourself to a higher standarad that will help you succeed and mold you into the person you desperately want to be. The version of you that you admire and love and look forward to being.
Hers are some bits of happiness that will help take the excuses from your repertoire and get you one step closer to becoming your ideal self. GarV and Dr Jordan Peterson. They give amazing no bull advice. Enjoy!
One of my fav’s Gary V
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